How to Increase Your Popularity

Why is it important for people to feel liked by others? 

Popularity connects to the evolutionary need for social connection, belonging, and status — skills that are crucial for survival in both early and modern day human societies. 

Human beings are inherently social creatures so the need for belonging is one of our most fundamental psychological needs [as highlighted by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs]. Being liked and accepted by others helps fulfil this need. When people feel they belong, they enjoy greater emotional stability, happiness, and self-esteem. 

Popularity serves as a signal one is included and valued within a social group. As well as to boosting self-esteem, popularity also offers evolutionary advantages. Today, that may result in better career opportunities, friendships and a better support networks. 

Being disliked on the other hand can lead to a fear of rejection and social exclusion, resulting in feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and in extreme cases, depression. The desire to be popular can also be the need for influence within a social group. 

However, an extreme desire to be liked or to seek popularity, often seen in adolescence, can be detrimental in the long run and lead people to make shallow connections with others. But overall, being popular makes a person feel positive about themselves and can boost self-esteem and confidence. 

But… it’s not always easy to know how to approach social situations. Being liked is rooted in your own self-belief and making sure you are the most ‘authentic’ version of yourself, and there are steps you can take to show people your best side, so here are some tips for being popular… 

Be authentic 

Others are drawn to those who are genuine and real. Showing your true self — without trying to impress by being someone you’re not — generally creates deeper, more meaningful connections. People can sense you’re not being authentic and will naturally dismiss you. And remember… talking too much about yourself without engaging others in conversation will lead others to regard you as a bore! 

Active listening When it comes to building relationships, pay attention to what other people are saying without interrupting, and ask questions that show genuine interest. If you make people feel they are valued, choosing to listen instead of trying to fill the space with your own voice works wonders! Positive body language Non-verbal cues, such as smiling, maintaining eye contact, and adopting an open posture make you seem approachable and friendly. Even small adjustments can positively improve how others perceive you. This includes you not even glancing at your watch or phone which shows disinterest! Non-verbal communication , such as making eye contact, adopting an open posture, or smiling or nodding, will make people more open to liking you.

Show empathy 

The ability to understand and share the feelings of others makes you relatable and compassionate, and empathy strengthens bonds, whether it’s with colleagues, or acquaintances. This kind of emotional engagement — showing empathy, kindness, building trust by being genuine, avoiding constant criticism or judgement — is likely to make people like you more. 

Master the art of conversation 

Being a good conversationalist isn’t just about talking, it’s about knowing when to listen, share, and connect. Finding common interests and maintaining a balance between speaking and listening is easy if you can just remember to do it. Whatever happens, don’t come over as being uninterested in others or not actively listening. 

Complements work wonders 

People love being around those who make them feel good. Compliment others sincerely, celebrate their achievements, and be supportive. When you help others shine, they will naturally like and gravitate towards you. 

Always be positive and optimistic 

A positive attitude is contagious! Where there is optimism, the mood of those around you lifts and makes people want to spend more time with you. Positive interactions — actively listening, giving the speaker your full attention, not interrupting and using positive but genuine language — are likely to make people like you more. But bragging or showing off will come across as self-centred or even arrogant. 

Develop emotional intelligence 

Try to understand other people’s emotions as well as your own. Emotional intelligence helps navigate social situations, resolve conflicts, and builds stronger relationships. Failing to show empathy or dismissing others feelings and opinions is a no-no of gigantic proportions. As is being frequently critical or judging others just leads to discomfort & defensiveness. And being negative or complaining can bring down the energy of conversations. 

Be generous with your time 

Offering your time and attention, whether it’s helping someone out or simply being present during conversations, strengthens connections. By the same token, being unreliable or often breaking promises will make others think you rather rude. 

Adaptability in social situations 

Being able to adjust your communication style or behaviour depending on the setting is all about being social aware, and this flexibility makes you more approachable in all sorts of situations. By the same token, a lack of social awareness, such as ignoring cues or overstaying your welcome, is not a constructive behaviour. 

Use humour as an ice-breaker 

Making people laugh lightens up any room. It breaks the ice and makes you more personable, even memorable… but don’t turn every conversation into a stand-up comedy routine.

Balance the give and take 

Relationships thrive when there’s a balance of give and take. People are drawn to those who are generous with their time, or attention, or help, but also allow space for others to do the same. Interrupting or dominating conversation makes others feel unheard or disrespected. 

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable 

Being open about your own challenges or insecurities can deepen connections. No one expects you to be perfect and being open shows you are relatable. Being human makes others feel more comfortable being themselves when they’re with you. 

Positive self-regard 

People who have positive self-regard are more liked because someone with self-worth will be genuine and comfortable in social situations. They are more likely to be open yet able to place appropriate boundaries and say no. They won’t put themselves down and will be more likely to make healthy relationship choices. All these qualities attract people naturally without trying hard to be liked. 

The secret of being more popular is… don’t try too hard to be popular. People can spot a faker a mile off! The most likeable people are comfortable in their own skin and don’t constantly seek approval. On the other hand, being overly insecure or self-deprecating, which can make interactions feel draining, even embarrassing.