How parents manage a child’s emotions can drastically affect how the child manages situations in the future.

It can be tempting to plead with a child to stop crying or that there’s nothing to be afraid of. But these words are a double-edged sword, because telling them not to do something is like telling them not to take a sweet. Worse, it might make the child repress their emotions so that they feel unable to open up in later life.

It is important to let children express their emotions… and crying can be a natural and healthy way to do so. Telling them not to cry cry or to stop crying could make them feel ashamed or think their feelings and emotions are not valid.

Instead, The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) recommend that parents should tell their upset children they understand how they feel. The NSPCC also recommends drawing the child’s attention to something else if a child is crying as a result of a tantrum.

Handling a child’s stress needs a safe and supportive environment because children need to feel safe and supported in order to cope with stress.

• Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or a simplified method of meditation, can help children calm their minds, thereby quickly overcoming stress.
• Regular physical activity can also help reduce stress and improve mood, as can leading by example. Taking part in activities together as a family can work wonders.
• Children need adequate sleep to function well and manage stress. Parents can encourage healthy sleep habits by establishing regular bedtime routines and creating a calm and comfortable sleeping environment.
• Encouraging children to use positive self-talk can also help them build resilience and cope with stress.

Parents might think they’re comforting their child by telling them they’re fine, or that they’re upset over nothing, but it’s important to not downgrade the child’s emotions to the trivial, making them feel dismissed or invalidated. Rather than trying to make them feel better,
these things can risk making a child believe that their feelings aren’t important. Situations that might seem trivial to an adult are not necessarily so to a child.

Instead, parents should reassure their child with comments such as ‘I’m here for you‘ or ‘I can see that you’re upset, do you want to talk about it?’

Criticising children for making a mistake are even more damaging. Phrases such as ‘I told you so‘ or ‘you should have known better‘ are even worse!

Youngsters are curious and blaming or shaming them for a problem or even their distress can make them feel worse. They might even start avoiding turning to or opening up to their parents for help in the future. It can also lead to children putting their defences up, resulting in youngsters being less likely to learn from the experience.

When it comes to monsters in the closet, barking dogs, people shouting on the street, or thunder and lightening storms, these are all common fears with children. Telling them not to be scared or afraid might seem like comforting words, but they gloss over the cause of the problem.

Take a child’s fears seriously, because dismissing their fears may make them feel alone and unsupported. It’s far better to understand and validate their feelings, and offer reassurance and support.

The next step is to ask why something seems scary. Explaining why there’s thunder and lightening, or shouting and yelling on the street, or why the dog next door is barking is a good start.

Telling a child to ‘cheer up’ or ‘be happy’ is more likely to cause them to feel that it’s not OK to feel unhappy.

If a pet or loved one has died, or a friend has moved away, children should be told that it’s OK to feel sad, but also that grandma will be happy now because she’s with the angels, or that soon there will be new fun friends to play with.

As Monty Python said, ‘Always look on the bright side of life!’