Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, or felt that the chemistry between you is just right?

The most common first indicators of relationship chemistry that press the ‘long-term relationship thinking’ are of course 1) physical attraction 2) the thrill of the forbidden and 3) some kind of shared traumatic experience. The problem is that each of these are ‘false flags!’

These emotional triggers might feel like ‘the real thing” but they should really be thought of as warning signs. First, physical beauty does not guarantee reciprocated love… Physical attraction can sometimes be so strong it fools the mind into thinking there’s more under the surface than theres actually is. Real chemistry, real love, only happens when you are emotionally connected.

…And then of course there’s the magnetic attraction — and temptation — of ‘the thrill of the forbidden.’ Dangerous liaisons are tempting and alluring, but no amount of dedication and genuine love on your part will never change the person you’re infatuated by. Infatuation is not love… too often infatuation leads to disappointment and having to make excuses for bad behaviour, and it shouldn’t be confused with true love. Your new partner might be mysterious, exciting, intoxicating, even inspiring, but more often than not, their behaviour will be unacceptable. This kind of ‘chemistry’ will disappear once the forbidden behaviour is removed.

Many people fall in love because they have shared the same, or similar, traumatic experiences. But shared trauma does not mean you are compatible and neither does it mean you should sweep differences under the carpet.

Being too intensely emotionally vulnerable with someone, both having experienced the same kind of past shock or upheaval is not necessarily a basis for a stable or loving relationship.

Intense feelings can develop when two people have experienced similar traumatic experiences. But it is important to understand that although the shared empathy of having gone through similar traumas can help you better understand each other and make you feel like there’s a strong connection, but it doesn’t mean there’s genuine love.